"Feel like sun on my skin
So, this is love, I know it is
I know it sounds super cliché
But you make me feel some type of way
This is falling, falling in love, yeah"
~ this is what falling in love feels like – JVKE
~One week later~
Therapy was hard.
Dr. Patel was kind and patient, but she didn't let me get away with anything.
"You've said 'I'm sorry' twelve times in the last forty minutes," she observed during our weekly session. "What are you apologizing for?"
"I don't know. Taking up your time? Talking too much about my problems?"
"Kashvi, you're paying me to listen to your problems. That's literally my job."
"I know, but—"
"But you still feel like you're too much. Like your pain is an inconvenience."
She always saw right through me.
"My parents made me feel that way."
"I know. And we're working on undoing that programming. But I need you to start noticing when you apologize unnecessarily. Catch yourself. Question why you feel the need to apologize."
"Okay."
"How are things with Aadyant?"
Just hearing his name made me smile. "Good. Really good, actually."
"But you haven't told him you love him yet."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because saying it makes it real. And if it's real, it can be taken away."
"Kashvi, you know that's fear talking, not logic."
"I know. But the fear is so loud sometimes."
"Then we keep working on making it quieter."
After therapy, I met Aadyant for our usual post-session coffee. He'd started coming with me to therapy (waiting in the car, giving me space but being there), and then we'd debrief over coffee.
It had become our routine over the past week. Therapy Tuesdays, as he called them.
"How was it?" he asked as I slid into our booth.
"Hard. She called me out on apologizing constantly."
"Good. Someone needs to."
I made a face at him. "You're supposed to be supportive."
"I am supportive. Supportive of you learning to take up space without apologizing for it."
"I'm trying."
"I know. And you're doing great." He reached across the table, taking my hand. It had become natural over the past week—this casual touching, the hand-holding, sitting close. "Better every day."
"I want to tell you something."
"Okay."
"And I need you to not make a big deal out of it."
"That's ominous."
I took a breath. "I haven't had a panic attack in six days."
His face lit up. "Kashvi, that's amazing—"
"I know it's not that long, and I'll probably have another one soon, but—"
"But it's progress. Real, tangible progress." He squeezed my hand. "I'm proud of you."
"Don't be proud. I'm just existing—"
"You're not 'just existing.' You're actively working on healing. That's hard work, and you should be proud of yourself."
"I'm trying to be. Dr. Patel says I need to celebrate small wins."
"She's right. So let's celebrate. What do you want to do?"
"This is enough. Coffee with you."
"Kashvi Singh, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me and you didn't even apologize for it."
I laughed. "Shut up."
~
Watching Kashvi heal was like watching a flower bloom in time-lapse. Slow, but happening. Real.
She smiled more. Laughed easier. The constant tension in her shoulders was loosening. She'd started joining group activities without needing to be convinced.
But she still apologized constantly. Still waited for me to leave. Still tested boundaries like she expected them to break.
"Give her time," Aadya reminded me whenever I got frustrated. "She's had three years of believing she's too much. It'll take more than a few weeks to undo that."
"I know. I'm not going anywhere."
"Make sure she knows that. Not just with words—with consistency."
So that's what I did.
I showed up to drive her to therapy every week. I showed up at coffee every morning with the group. I showed up when she texted at 2 AM because she couldn't sleep. I showed up when she had bad days and couldn't articulate why.
And slowly, she started believing I would keep showing up.
"You're falling for her," Vihaan observed one afternoon when we were all studying together and I'd zoned out watching Kashvi work on her sketches.
"I already fell. Past tense. I told her weeks ago."
"And she hasn't said it back yet?"
"She will when she's ready."
"That's very zen of you."
"That's love. Real love. The kind that waits."
~
~Friday Evening~
"We're having a beach day tomorrow," Aadya announced during our group video call. "And before you say no, Kashvi—"
"I wasn't going to say no."
Everyone on the call went silent.
"You weren't?" Ritika looked suspicious.
"No. I mean, I thought about saying no. But then I remembered Dr. Patel telling me to push myself out of my comfort zone. So... I'm saying yes."
"Who are you and what have you done with Kashvi?" Vihaan teased.
"Shut up. I can change."
"We love the change!" Aashika said quickly. "Beach day it is! Tomorrow, 10 AM?"
"I'll get sunburned—"
"SPF 100," Shivansh said. "Already bought six bottles."
"The sand will be everywhere—"
"That's literally the point of the beach," Aadya pointed out.
"Fine. Fine. I'll be there." I paused. "But if I hate it—"
"If you hate it, we leave," Aadyant promised. "No questions asked."
After the call ended, my phone rang immediately. Aadyant.
"Hey."
"Hey. I'm proud of you."
"For agreeing to go to the beach?"
"For pushing yourself. For trying." His voice was soft. "I know that's not easy for you."
"It's getting easier. Having people who make me feel safe helps."
"Good. That's what we're here for."
"Aadyant?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you pick me up tomorrow? For the beach? I don't want to drive alone and then have the option to leave early by myself. If I'm going to do this, I need to commit."
"Of course. I'll be there at 9:30."
"Thank you. And I'm sor—" I caught myself. "I mean, I appreciate it."
"Much better. Get some sleep, Kashvi. Big day tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I hung up, smiling at my phone like an idiot.
~
~Sunday Morning~
I picked Kashvi up at 9:30 sharp. She came out wearing shorts and a tank top with a oversized button-up shirt over it, her hair in a braid, sunglasses perched on her head.
She looked beautiful.
"Ready?" I asked as she got in.
"Absolutely not. But I'm doing it anyway."
"That's the spirit."
The drive to the beach was about an hour. We spent it listening to music, Kashvi occasionally singing along softly when a song she knew came on.
I loved watching her like this. Relaxed. Unselfconscious. Just existing without the weight of everything pressing down on her.
"What?" she asked, catching me looking.
"Nothing. You're just... you look happy."
"I think I am. Is that weird?"
"That's the opposite of weird. That's everything."
~
The beach was less crowded than I expected. We'd picked a spot about an hour north of the city, and Vihaan had promised it would be "lowkey and chill."
For once, he was right.
"See?" Aadya spread out a blanket. "This is nice, right?"
"I haven't decided yet."
But as the morning went on, I found myself actually enjoying it. The sound of waves was calming. The sun felt good on my skin. The group's laughter was infectious.
Vihaan tried to teach everyone beach volleyball and failed spectacularly. Ritika organized snacks with military precision. Shivansh read a book under an umbrella. Aashika took approximately a million photos.
And Aadyant stayed close. Not hovering, just... present. Making sure I was okay without making it obvious.
"Want to walk?" he asked after a couple of hours.
"Sure."
We walked along the shoreline, waves lapping at our feet.
"You seem happy today," he observed.
"I am. This is nice. Thank you for convincing me to come."
"You convinced yourself. I just offered to drive."
"Still. Thank you."
We walked in comfortable silence for a moment.
"Kashvi?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I hold your hand?"
I looked at him, surprised. "You've been holding my hand all week. Why are you asking now?"
"Because we're in public. Around strangers. I don't want to assume you're comfortable with that."
My chest felt warm. He was always so careful. So considerate.
"Yes. You can hold my hand."
His fingers laced through mine, and it felt right. Natural.
"Aadyant?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to tell you something. And I need you to not interrupt."
"Okay..."
I stopped walking, turning to face him. "I'm falling in love with you."
He went very still.
"I know I said that before. But I need you to understand—I'm not just falling anymore. I've fallen. I'm there. I love you." The words tumbled out before I could stop them. "I love how patient you are. How kind. How you see me—really see me—and choose to stay. I love how you make me feel safe. How you never make me feel like I'm too much. How you've helped me believe I deserve good things."
"Kashvi—"
"I'm not done. I know I'm not ready for everything. I know there are still things I need to work through. But I needed you to know—you're not just someone I care about. You're someone I love. Completely. Terrifyingly."
He was staring at me with those eyes, and I couldn't read his expression.
"Say something," I whispered.
"Can I kiss you?"
I blinked. "What?"
"Can I kiss you? Because I've wanted to since the day I met you, and you just told me you love me, and I really, really want to kiss you right now."
My heart was racing. "Yes."
He cupped my face gently, giving me time to pull away. When I didn't, he leaned in and kissed me.
It was soft. Sweet. Perfect.
My first kiss. My first kiss that felt like a beginning instead of an ending.
When we pulled apart, we were both smiling.
"I love you too," he said. "In case that wasn't clear."
"You've told me before."
"But you needed to hear it again. After you said it. So: I love you, Kashvi Singh. I'm completely, devastatingly in love with you."
"Devastatingly?"
"You devastate me daily. In the best way."
I laughed, and it felt free. Light.
"We should get back. Before the group sends a search party."
"Probably." But neither of us moved.
"Aadyant?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared. Of this. Of us. Of how much I feel."
"I know."
"But I'm going to try anyway. To not let the fear win."
"That's all I'm asking." He kissed my forehead. "We'll figure it out together."
~
When we got back to the group, everyone took one look at us and immediately knew something had happened.
"Oh my God," Aadya said, her eyes lighting up. "Did you—"
"We're not discussing it," I said quickly.
"But you're holding hands differently!"
"We're holding hands the same way—"
"No, it's different! It's more—" Vihaan gestured vaguely. "Couple-y."
"We've been holding hands all week—"
"Yes, but now it's official handholding!" Aashika clapped. "This is so exciting!"
Kashvi was laughing, her face red. "You're all ridiculous."
"Ridiculously invested in your happiness," Ritika corrected. "So yes, we're celebrating. Even if you won't give us details."
"There are no details—"
"She told me she loves me," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face.
Kashvi swatted my arm. "Aadyant!"
"What? They were going to find out anyway."
"FINALLY!" Vihaan jumped up. "I've been watching you two dance around each other for weeks! This is the best news!"
"Okay, but did you kiss?" Aadya demanded.
Kashvi buried her face in her hands. "I'm never telling you anything again."
"That's a yes!" Aadya squealed. "Oh my God, you kissed!"
~
The rest of the day was perfect.
We played in the waves. Built a terrible sandcastle that collapsed immediately. Ate snacks and laughed and just... existed together.
And through it all, Aadyant's hand found mine. His shoulder pressed against mine when we sat. His smile whenever he caught me looking at him.
As the sun started to set, we all gathered on the blankets, watching the sky turn orange and pink.
"This was a good day," I said quietly.
"Yeah?" Aadyant's arm was around my shoulders.
"Yeah. Really good."
"There will be more of them. Good days. I promise."
"I'm starting to believe that."
On the drive home, I was exhausted but happy. The kind of tired that comes from sun and saltwater and genuine joy.
"Thank you," I said as we pulled into my driveway. "For today. For everything."
"Stop thanking me for things I want to do."
"I'm not apologizing, I'm thanking. There's a difference."
"Fair point." He smiled. "Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow." I hesitated. "Aadyant?"
"Yeah?"
"I meant what I said today. I love you."
"I know. And I love you too."
I leaned over and kissed him. Quick, sweet, still new enough to make my heart race.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, meri jaan."
I walked into the house feeling lighter than I had in years.
Bua was in the kitchen, and she took one look at my face and smiled.
"Good day?"
"Really good day."
"The boy?"
"Aadyant. And yes. He's part of it."
"You're happy."
"I think I am. Is that allowed?"
"Beta, you've always been allowed to be happy. You just forgot how." She pulled me into a hug. "I'm glad you're remembering."
That night, lying in bed, I looked at my phone. A text from Aadyant.
Aadyant: Thank you for today. For telling me. For letting me in. You're everything to me.
Me: You're everything to me too.
Aadyant: Get some sleep. Dream of good things.
Me: I will. Goodnight.
Aadyant: Goodnight. I love you meri jaan.
Me: I love you too.
And for the first time in three years, I fell asleep smiling, with no nightmares, no panic, no fear.
Just hope.
~
FOLLOW ME!! 😄
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